Thursday, April 3, 2008

take a chance to recognize that this could be yours

I don't keep up with many blogs - I'm weaning myself off my addiction to my professor's blog, I live for the America's Next Top Model recaps on fourfour, and okay, I am addicted to Stuff White People Like. But the blog I check most frequently belongs to Miss Gala Darling, a hyperadorable fashionista in Melbourne who's unwittingly helping me get over my fear of being femme. Every week, Gala celebrates "Things I Love Thursday," and encourages her readers to do the same. This being a sex blog of sorts, I'm going to riff on that. May I present:

Things I Find So Unbearably Hot That It Pains Me A Little Just To Think Of Them Thursday!

Xena: Warrior Princess. It's a pretty sure bet I was destined to be a dyke, but all the lesbian subtext on this show (and the shots of her suiting up for battle that played during the opening credits) gave me a very clear idea, very early on, of what I wanted from life. Plus, female empowerment and the occasional musical episode! Tough women who can take care of themselves and each other - why don't we see more of that on television?

◦When you find yourself suddenly alone with someone you've been wanting to jump all day long, and it's clear that something really hot is about to happen, but you both go all coy and quiet, and your mouths are grazing each other without making full-on contact, and it becomes a game of who's gonna give in first. Bonus points for the rare (but worth-waiting-for) occasions when you pick the same moment to go for it!

◦Bea Arthur. I don't know if it's that deep voice, that slow-burn stare, or what, but if I can't live up to Xena's example, I hope I can at least be as witty and fabulous as Bea Arthur someday.

◦Incongruity. Butchy girls wearing lacy underwear, ridiculous slang used by rampant intellectuals, when someone scratches me almost to the point of bleeding while saying something really tender. When things don’t quite match up, I go out of my head so easily.

◦Lesbian pulp paperbacks. They've got the most bizarrely brilliant cover art, the kitsch factor is someplace in the stratosphere, and some of them are genuinely sexy, in a so-wrong-it's-right kinda way.

◦Button-fly jeans, oh Christ, there is nothing like them. Marshall was wearing some today, and had there not been more pressing business to attend to, I would have buttoned them back up just for the thrill of unbuttoning them all over again.

◦The Pussycat Dolls' song "Buttons," no matter what anyone says. Usually, it takes me at least two drinks to get dancey, but put this song on, and I am guaranteed to act a dancing fool before the first verse even starts up. Kiah is really into the original music video, but I prefer the fanvid above, since it's got clips from some of my favorite sex scenes ever. I once had one of those surreal experiences that I thought only happened in movies, where I was in a dance club and this song came on and I was dancing with this queeny guy, Neal, who can fucking get down like you've never seen. We were having so much fun, and were so into it, that people around just backed off and there we were, in the middle of the dance floor with all these strangers looking on. They probably thought we were straight, but really, it was just the incontestable hotness of this song that made it happen. Truth.

◦Kneeling on shower tile and staring up at a lover. Seriously, there is no better angle on this earth. I’ve looked. Especially if the light is warm and slightly orangey, but really, any lighting scheme will do just fine.

I think it's about time for me to turn in - it's been a long day, and the girl's waiting up for me downstairs, so I'm off to feel better!
As always, feel free to share your own story, to ask a question, to pick a fight with me, or to say hello via comment or e-mail ( Also, remember that the blog is for a cause: any money you lovelies donate will go to the Rape And Incest National Network, and will be used to fund their online hotline for those affected by sexual violence. You can donate by clicking here - if you're so kind as to kick in, make sure to mention in the 'Additional Information' field that Jen H sent you, and that I'm part of the GBBMC2008.

Goodnight, friends and strangers!


Cynical Nymph said...

Oh nooo... I really don't want to burst your bubble, but... Bea Arthur may be a huuuuge bee-otch. Long story short, a few years ago I shared a table at the GLAAD Awards with her and Rue McClanahan and their fabulously handsome (gay... sad for me) dates... and wow. Never met a more sour person. Rue, however, I could have taken home and forced to make me hot chocolate and tell me bedtime stories.

On the plus side, Xena? Rules. And on the serious side of that, why DON'T we see more of that on telelvision?? I would have liked at least two or so more shows with that kind of female self-sufficiency during my formative years. But at least I had Tori Amos. Win.

Wow. Long enough comment for ya?

Schuyler said...

-button fly jeans tend to confuse girls who encounter them.

-had a similar dance-off experience at a show at a grungy bar in tenth grade. drank a fifth of bacardi 151 and had a one-upmanship dance-off with some random Hunter College sophomore. Sort of like the tapdance numbers in musicals where the two male leads try to outdo each other, except we were at an electro-ska show. He had a business card; it read Ben: A Kike You Can Trust. I thought it incredibly funny at the time.